They had sex, sort of. He lied about it, sort of. So what. It's perjury. It's sexual McCarthyism. Impeach the bastard. Let him go. He committed adultry. So did you. Round and round and round it goes, and when it will ever end, God knows. It doesn't appear the president is going to resign any time soon, so the rest of us will have to resign ourselves to more Monica madness, even in cyberspace.
Ironically, the same Congress that gave us the Communications Decency Act to control smut on the Internet published Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr's smut on the Internet. The same Congress that pressured TV networks to rate their programs for sex and violence released Clinton's X-rated video testimony without as much as a warning label. And Americans who said Congress should stop obsessing over Monica Lewinsky got their first exposure to "Thomas" <thomas.loc.gov/home/thomas2.html>, the Congressional website that keeps track of legislation, because they wanted to see Starr's report on Monica Lewinsky.
Created by Congress in 1995, "Thomas" makes information about federal legislation freely available to the public. Named after Thomas Jefferson (who was not without his own moral turpitudes), the website lets you look up legislation by bill number, keywords and other search options. "Thomas" also has an online version of the Congressional Record, bill summaries, amendments, House and Senate calendars, roll call votes, committee reports, a guide to how laws are made and historical documents including broadsides from the Constitutional Convention and Continental Congress, the Declaration of Independence, the Federalist Papers and the Constitution.
An estimated 5.9 million people read Starr's report on the Internet the first two days, including 3.6 million who read it at news sites. But plebs seeking their morning Monica shot got a different kind of jolt if they logged onto the website of the New York "Times" <www.nytimes.com> Sept. 13. Hackers hijacked the site for much of that day, replacing its front page with a rant from self-described "Internet terrorists" calling themselves HFG, or Hacking For Girlies. No damage was done, but like recent hacks of Motorola, Justice Department and CIA websites, the real danger is in what they COULD have done. Instead of posting juvenile jokes about cigars, HFG could just as easily have changed the content of "Times" stories, and even of Starr's report.
Too lazy to wade through the "legalisms" of the Starr report? Want to get straight to the sleazy stuff? "Kenneth Starr Report Analyzer Engine" <www.timechange.com/starr> lets you type in strategic words and phrases, such as "obstruction of justice" or "cigar," and each occurrence is displayed on your screen. Is the Starr report about impeachment (12 occurrences) or sex (367)? Does the report focus more on perjury (32), or oral sex (72)? You make the call.
It's only fitting that Starr's report was first released to the public on the Internet. Cyberspace has been on top of this scuzzy story from the beginning, especially through Matt Drudge's "Drudge Report" <www.drudgereport.com>, which first revealed details of what at the time was politely being referred to as an "alleged" affair between the president and a White House intern. Recently Drudge reported that a video has surfaced of the prez getting chummy with yet another young lady near the Oval office, and that other White House groupies are on the verge of revealing their own close encounters of the Clinton kind.
The president's approval rating remains high,
but the hits keep on coming. Just out on video, of course, is Clinton's
testimony to the Grand Jury, and coming soon, "Monica II," televised live
in front of the House Judiciary Committee. Henry Hyde's "Youthful Indiscretions"
is but a preview of coming attractions for the next big blockbuster, "Doomsday
Scenario," in which all the sexual skeletons in all the closets of the
Congress, courthouses, statehouses and newsrooms, are outed. They will
have gotten themselves, and won't that be fun.