|Gilligan was crouching in the bushes, peering through the foliage, as Ginger waded into the sweetwater pool under the waterfall.Her back was toward him as she moved under the waterfall. He saw her drop her clothing and caught a glimpse of her bare (expletive deleted) before it was covered with the white water.“C’mon, Ginger, turn around,” he whispered. “Turn around…”
He reached down into his pants and gripped his (expletive deleted)…
Under the waterfall, Ginger smiled secretly to herself. “He’s out there again,” she mumbled to herself. “Who could miss that hat?”
“Gilligan’s Island” was never like this! With Congress wanting to stomp out sex and violence in Hollywood, and the entertainment industry censoring itself with “standards and practices,” what are those who want MORE sex and violence to do? At so-called fanfic Web sites, avid followers of books, movies and TV shows, past and present, post their own versions of scenes they’d like to see, plot twists or relationships they want developed and entire seasons they wish were. A sub-genre of fanfic is nfic, or naughty fiction, like the above “Passion Fruit,” that tackle storylines Hollywood is too timid to touch.
Outgrowths of fanzines, e-mail lists and newsgroups, most fanfic Web sites contain no more sex and violence than the original works they are loosely based on. Even so, you’d think they were the ones getting investigated by Congress, because the Web sites come with elaborate disclaimers, warnings, plot summaries and rating systems to ensure that no one reads age-inappropriate material.
For example, “The Lois & Clark Fanfic Archive” <www.win.net/~lcw/fanfic>, has 1,300 fan-written stories and images inspired by the defunct TV show “Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman,” all rated G, PG, or PG-13. Recent stories include “Forever Superman,” about a vampire seemingly on the loose in Metropolis; “Married, With Children,” about an afternoon at the Zoo with Lois and Clark and their children; and “Misadventures Again,” in which Spiderman gets married, with Lois Lane, Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne (Batman) on the guest list.
Decidedly more risque are the 400 stories archived at “The Official Lois & Clark nFic Directory” <www.geocities.com/Area51/Meteor/7378/nfic.html>. In “Aftermath,” “after a traumatic rescue by Superman, Lois uses a hot tub and massage to soothe a troubled Clark.” And in “All Work and No Play,” “a frustrated Lois teases Clark unbearably at the office, until he loses control and they make love in the supply closet.”
Another nfic collection is the unabashed “Agent Xena’s Smut Archive” <ratx.net/axsa>, which pairs up X-Files characters like Mulder/Scully, Scully/Krycek and Scully/Skinner, not to mention Mulder/Scully/Krycek. Mulder/Scully stories include “2 Close For Comfort,” in which they make out on a stakeout; “The Carrot And The Stick,” in which a sexual encounter with Scully results in additional angst for Mulder; and “Batteries Not Included,” which answers the question, what would happen if Mulder came upon Scully’s vibrator?
“Fan Fiction on the Net” <members.aol.com/KSNicholas/fanfic>, is a resource page with links to fan fiction based on such diverse muses as “The Adventures of Sinbad,” “Airwolf,” “Alien Nation,” “The A-Team,” Jane Austen and “The Avengers,” and that’s just the A’s. There’s also extensive links to adult fiction based on “Babylon 5,” “Dawson’s Creek,” “Doctor Who,” “Power Rangers” and all flavors of “Star Trek.”
An even more subversive sub-genre of nfic is slash. Named after the punctuation “/” used by fanfic authors to denote who is doing what to whom, slash is erotic fanfic involving two characters of the same gender. Some slash is based on fairly obvious choices like “Xena,” “Hercules” and “Highlander.” But there’s also homoerotic versions of “Ally McBeal,” “E.R.” and “The Practice,” along with “Friends,” “Oz,” “Quantum Leap” and “Rawhide.”
Of course, there’s slash and there’s slash. So while “RatB” <www.squidge.org/terma/index2.htm>, fixates on the “X-Files” characters Mulder and Krycek, “Syrenslure Fan Fiction” <syrenbuffy.cjb.net>, prefers Buffy of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” and hooks up Xena with Gabrielle, “Queen of the Amazons.”
For whatever reason, there seems to be a lot more naughty fan fiction being written than violent fan fiction. But for the ultimate in nfic fanfic, call it snufffanfic, there’s the simple but elegant “Who Would You Kill” <www.whowouldyoukill.com>, which invites people to cast their vote for who they’d most like knocked off their favorite TV show, and write their “final scene.”
For “NYPD Blue,” Gay John and Greg Medavoy were in a dead heat, with about 900 votes apiece. But someone calling himself Raoul Duke wanted to off Sipowicz: “Sipowicz and Danny are sitting at their desks. Danny says ‘I can’t belive how many people that heroin addict killed.’ Sipowicz says ‘Well that’s life. Ya gotta take it as it comes.’ Danny says ‘How do you do it? After seeing all this crime and murders how do you keep so cool?’ Sipowicz says ‘Quit whining Ricky.’ Danny says ‘What did you call me?’ Sipowicz says ‘I called you Ricky, remember your Silver Spoon days?’ Danny says ‘I TOLD YOU NEVER TO MENTION THAT AGAIN!!!!!!’ Danny jumps over the desk and clobbers Sipowicz with a desk lamp.”
Now that’s entertainment!